Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
