she woke up with a sticky ear
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
