My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
