Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
