i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
