I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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