My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
