It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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