It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
