I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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