He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
