How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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