I want to walk on stilts...naked
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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