so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
