If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
