Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
