end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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