Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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