maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
