idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
