Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
