I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
