there's paper in my vomit.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
