He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
