I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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