Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This is not my ceiling
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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