okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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