my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
