you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
