Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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