it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
