Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
