Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
