the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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