you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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