you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
