I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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