I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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