do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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