Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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