Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
