well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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