i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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