the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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