i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
