She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
