Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
