he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
