The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
