ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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