there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
