Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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